Dear Diary, Day One

What is a square soul in a round body? Well, it's like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It doesn't quite fit. That's me. I'm an oddball. And for most of my life that kind of bothered me. I could never figure myself out. And plenty of others were left scratching their heads. Then one day about 2 years ago I fell in love. Unexpectedly. During a time so unbelievable it left me scratching my own head. It just didn't seem possible. Someone who loved every unique difference about me. Loved that I always kept him guessing. Surprising him with some crazy quality everyday. And over time, something funny happened. I fell in love again. This time, with myself. I started to feel proud of all the ways that I am, me. And I love myself enough to want to improve on those unique qualities that make me who I am, rather than trying to change them to fit in. Not just with my personality. I really am an old fashioned, square. Incidentally my body is actually quite round due to some autoimmune disorders that I can't change. I fought against them. Ignored them. Denied them, out of fear of what accepting them would mean for my life. It wasn't until the proof was right in front of me that I started to believe it. It wasn't until he proved that it didn't make me less desirable, that I started to accept it. Now, I love myself enough to go one step further, and take action to care for my body properly. To embrace my soul as God made me.

I'm awkward. And I kinda love it. I never fit in, maybe because I was born to stand out. To go through struggles and come out the other side to prove that it's possible. I finally understand that you can accept yourself.  Love yourself, and improving yourself doesn't contradict that. I want to improve my health. Which includes losing weight. But it doesn't mean I hate the way I look. It doesn't mean I hate my body. In fact, it's just the opposite. I want to begin a weight loss journey (for lack of a better term), because I love my body.  This includes self care. Because health isn't just physical. I want to grow as a person.  As a mother.  As a soon-to-be wife.  I want to begin a journey of self love, discovery, and celebration. Because happiness begins within.  Something I wish to teach my daughter.  I need to exemplify it.  To practice what I teach.  Of course not all growth is particularly fun or enjoyable. Sometimes growth is hard. I know that the love I have for myself will be tried and tested. And I think I'm ready for that too. With my fiance and our daughter by my side, I know we have so many memories just waiting to be made. And I can't wait to look back at this blog at some future day, and say "That's where it all started."

So, join me on this journey!  Join us!  Our little family.  We will be updating my weight loss journey every Sunday!  With fun days during the week where we try out new things.  Come along as we discover new poems, create new paintings, and craft new projects.  Laugh with us, as we, amateur cooks, attempt new Pinterecipes (what my daughter and I call Pinterest Recipes).  Enjoy the ride as we enjoy this funny little thing called LIFE!